Boxed In

in a society obsessed

with boxes

we lost ourselves

in the boxing

and unboxing

of where we fit

and didn’t

within ourselves

each other

and this judging world

 

the boxes fell upon us

lesbian

no such address

return to sender

all stickered, stamped

and labeled

waiting for UPS

to pick us up

and deliver

as if authenticity

were an address

the post office

cannot find

 

if only

we could have

delivered ourselves

 

our love became nested

deep inside matryoshkas

a tiny hard babushka

buried deep inside personas

public reserve

shellacking over

private passion

dolls, un-womanly

wooden and distorted

 

my heated curves

and sharp edges

don’t fare well

in boxes

 

I was punch drunk

in the corner

from all this

boxing ourselves in

I cracked

knocked things over

I meant

to tear off labels

break down

confining boxes

instead

I tore

your heart out

broke the back

of our love

 

I wanted to love you

boundaryless

now I don’t get

to love you at all

 

 

 

 

I Wanted…

I wanted you to love me

with chasing puppy enthusiasm

tumbling pell-mell

in your haste to be with me

 

I wanted you to cherish me

beyond winning buzzer beaters

championships victories and

emblems of grief

 

I wanted you to kiss me

as a life-affirming dementor

expanding our souls

in their communion

 

I wanted you to hold me

closer than body-plate

armor against fear

shield from calamity

 

I wanted you to see me

in foibled wholeness

backbending work in progress

pretzeled imperfection

 

I wanted you to claim me

rooftop proclaim us

more essential than outrage or

musical celebration

 

perhaps you did…

in ways mistily translucent

that now cling

hauntingly chilling

 

encroaching invisibility

corroded my soul

rust-encrusting pain

determination painted

 

I solved it, of course

 

eviscerated love on impatient

thrusts of my wounded urgency

I proved myself unworthy

terminally unlovable

 

you are gone

my heart howls madness

at the waning moon

still wanting